I should know, because I run this blog.

Oh, and I promise this is the last piece featuring football and animal abuse together.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS, and I LOVE YOU ALL!

And I hate dog sweaters.

The End.

P. S. I’ll be celebrating Christmas this year in the winter wonderland of Texas, meaning no Monday Sketcharoo next week. Sorry! But, if you’re really good, next year for Christmas I’ll give you context for the above illustration.

[NOTE: The text to follow has been translated from the original Japanese via Babelfish]

Therefore, some time ago that my friend Mathew’s Was; The birthday of him. He me and in order to connect him and the large group of that friend at this really splendid restaurant, invited my wife. And as for me evening’s You thought that the card we would like to draw him before, it had; Even unfortunately the meal of him, but my hand could carpal tunnel syndrome and to disabled. With that, advances several months, my hand still doesn’ Hurting, still Mathew; There is sketch of birthday in still none. Therefore, pain it is not absurd for the or more of this to wait, Mathew and here’s Happiness, which lately desires birthday largely!

[End translation]

CONTEST WINNER!

Two weeks ago I asked you to come up with the puuuuuuuurrfect, er, doggone best name for the puppy whose drawing I’d posted. At the time, I failed to state how long it would take me to decide the winning answer. Well, let me tell you now: the contest will be concluded as soon as I finish typing this sentence I am typing right now on my computer keyboard DING! TIME’S UP! The correct answer, was Snickers! Snickers the puppy. No one said Snickers? C’mon, get with the program people, he’s obviously a Snickers!

Well, since nobody said Snickers, I’ll give THE GRAND PRIZE, an autographed copy of the terrible “Hansel and Gretel” comic I drew, to the runner-up. And the winner is… it’s a tie!

Chernobyl & Pope Pius XIII, submitted by Katherine and James Moes (respectively)! On odd-numbered days, the puppy is Chernobyl, on even-numbered days, Pope Pius XIII. On even-numbered days, you may also refer to him by his nickname, Little Popey Poopers. Since there was only one grand prize, I’m afraid Katherine and James that you’ll have to share the spoils. Luckily enough, you two also share an apartment, so I don’t see this as an issue.

Thank you VERY VERY MUCH for all your entries, they were all great! I’m very lucky to have as creative a reading public as I do!

OH, and I should point out, the above image was HEAVILY influenced by the work of 64 Colors. I recommend visiting their site and picking up a print, they’re AWESOME.

In the pursuit of clients, advertising agencies such as mine will often decide to forego payment on an ad campaign in order to prove their true value to a potential client. Many describe this sort of work using hoity-toity academic terms like “fiscally irresponsible” or “idiotic.” But us? We’re just common folk, and prefer to see such work as “pro bono publico.”

Last year, we ran across a company that seemed perfect for the old pro bono publico treatment, a small pharmaceutical distributor called Candian Pharmacy. The company had a great product they sold for well below retail. However, their ad campaign was strictly e-centric, if you know what I mean. Foregoing traditional media, Candian Pharmacy opted instead for a kind of “viral marketing,” wherein they left their mark on customers via e-mail viruses. Pretty high-tech stuff.

But we believe even high-tech firms still need a traditional media face. So, unbeknownst to them, we used Candian Pharmacy’s original marketing copy and developed the below ad, running it in several thousand newspapers across the country.

And here’s the best part! Although Candian Pharmacy has yet to return our e-mails or send us our order, the ad apparently caught the eye of a wealthy Nigerian prince who no doubt saw our ample pluck and decided to split his riches with us! Our cut will be more than enough to cover our losses on the Candian Pharmacy gig! I tell ya, sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways!

Here’s an idea: let’s pretend I just spent the last few hours nursing a liter of pumpkin ale while watching Robocop with my friend Mathew, and am too tired to think of anything to clever to say, so… I dunno, leave a name for the puppy in the comments section, best name gets an autographed copy of that terrible comic I did a few months ago! Hooray!

I’d like to be serious for a moment, if I may. There is a silent epidemic raging throughout this great land of ours*, a plague that strikes both young and old alike and could, in time, lead to population decrease and widespread nausea. I’m speaking of ugliness.

Now, I don’t mean inner ugliness, a blight on the soul that that be easily overlooked in times of great co-dependency. No, the kind of ugliness to which I refer is of a physical nature. It’s the kind of ugliness that arouses in the viewer a sort of awestruck horror, comparable to witnessing a car accident, or two elephants mating. I’m sure you know of what I speak. You, possibly, are afflicted with such great hideousness. If this is the case, and if you can read these words through your paper bag, know there is now hope. For there is now MOLE-X!

*USA! USA! USA!

And then there are times I have to create realistic documents that include no real information whatsoever, documents that are basically set dressing. They still require all the elements you’d expects on an important document, but most of the time you won’t ever be able to clearly read the document’s text. Heck, you probably can’t even see the images on them while you play the game.

Anyway, since these kind of assets tend to be sorta boring to create, I try to entertain myself while I put them together by writing extremely absurd things in the places you’d normally find something useful. And since this is my blog, and these gems of wit (ahem) would otherwise go unread, I decided to post them here. Enjoy as best you can.

Oh, and this’ll be the last post I’ll do about my work on Nancy Drew: The Haunting of Castle Malloy, so if you want to check out any more of my work on the game, BUY IT.

I went into designing the images with one goal: make them look as much as possible like they came out of Highlights. And I think I hit it dead on, toot toot toot. In retrospect, however, the Spot the Differences in Highlights looked terrible. I probably should’ve picked a better goal.

Anyway, here’re four of the better-looking images. Guess the 12 differences in each images correctly and I’ll send you cat litter (used).

You know, I been hearing a lot of naysayers and glass-half-emptiers shouting something about the world accelerating toward its ultimate destruction. And it’s not that I disagree with their predictions, no the science is pretty clear the world is hosed.  It’s just I don’t know why that’s such a bad thing! See, they can cry and whine about the end of the world as we know it, but if they’d put a little positivity in their perspective they’d recognize that one man’s apocalypse is another man’s gateway to exciting new markets! So, I’ve decided to get a head start on things:

By the way, the Goldie the Mermaid position is open, so feel free to send your qualifications, including measurements and how long you can hold your breath, to zack@zackrock.com. Thanks!

Here he is, folks, the winner of the first Contestaroo: Chris “Lopez” Lopez, host of the podcast Classic Rock Liberation and all-around good buddy. We brainstormed a bit after he won and decided to make his illustration broadcast-related so he can use it on his site. And what could be more broadcasty than an LP sticker of Lopez DJing into an old-timey mic? NOTHING, except maybe if the podcast was named Edward R. Murrow Liberation or something.

Anywho, if you’re into classic rock at all, I’d recommend taking a listen his podcasts. They’re well produced and feature a lot of bands you’d probably never heard of, along with historical contextualizing of bands we’re all familiar with. Good stuff!