In 1944, the Ad Council created Smokey Bear in order to inform the American public of the dangers of forest fires. The campaign was so successful that to this day, over sixty years later, 95% of those polled were able to complete Smokey’s famous phrase, “Only YOU can prevent forest fires,” when prompted with only the first few words. And while it’s impossible to say how many fires have actually been prevented thanks to Smokey’s efforts, what is clear is the enduring impression the stern-faced bear has left on our nation’s cultural consciousness.

In 1967, another kind of fire raged throughout the forests of the American landscape. It spread with wanton disregard for the sanctity of our National Parks and left in its wake a tide of love beads, tie-dyed briefs, and bemused children with uncomfortable questions for their parents. Hence, my ad agency partnered with the United States Parks Authority and together we developed a new, forest-related character and motto to deal with this emerging threat.

Unlike Smokey Bear, Celibate Sasquatch’s campaign did not extend beyond the limited run of this poster. Like Smokey, however, Celibate Sasquatch’s legacy endures today thanks to continued use of his commanding motto, and Celibate himself inspired a slang term for getting high off smoking tree bark – “sasquatching the celibate” – that was popular in the Santa Monica area from 1968 to 1973.

You know, I been hearing a lot of naysayers and glass-half-emptiers shouting something about the world accelerating toward its ultimate destruction. And it’s not that I disagree with their predictions, no the science is pretty clear the world is hosed.  It’s just I don’t know why that’s such a bad thing! See, they can cry and whine about the end of the world as we know it, but if they’d put a little positivity in their perspective they’d recognize that one man’s apocalypse is another man’s gateway to exciting new markets! So, I’ve decided to get a head start on things:

By the way, the Goldie the Mermaid position is open, so feel free to send your qualifications, including measurements and how long you can hold your breath, to zack@zackrock.com. Thanks!