Field Guide To Critical Birds, Entry #12: Lesser Williamsburg Warbler

How To ID: Lesser Williamsburg Warblers*

  • Found nursing hangovers amongst city arbors
  • Their life ambitions are vague and quixotic
  • Their t-shirts and mustaches: all ironic
  • Subsists on a diet of warm PBR
  • Tries to migrate on fixies (though never gets far)
  • Will often fall prey to nasty fauxhawks
  • Never chirps, only taps out a tweet that mocks:

*Lesser Williamsburg Warbler's not its name the world over. It's known back West as the Great Portland Plover.