And Canadian Geese aren't too friendly, either

Bald Eagles drive Hummers and take up two parking spots. They don't wash when they get out of the bathroom stall, they just pat your shoulder and leave. A Bald Eagle was promoted ahead of you, but all it ever does is check facebook and make personal phone calls. It was a Bald Eagle that aimed for your braces during dodge ball, and hit. You've been getting a lot of spam lately, that's because a Bald Eagle uses your address whenever he registers at dirty eagle sites. Bird Flu? More like a-Bald-Eagle-hocked-a-loogie-into-your-coffee-when-you-weren't-looking flu.

Bald Eagles nickname themselves "Duke." Bald Eagles supported Leno. Bald Eagles tip 10%. Bald Eagles listen to Nickelback really loudly and once got "How You Remind Me" stuck in your head for three weeks (Nickelback themselves: all Bald Eagles). Bald Eagles are the reason Spike TV is a real channel.

Bald Eagles are jerks.


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