Yo’ mama so ugly, she ruined the country. Written on November 25, 2008, by Zack.
I’d like to be serious for a moment, if I may. There is a silent epidemic raging throughout this great land of ours*, a plague that strikes both young and old alike and could, in time, lead to population decrease and widespread nausea. I’m speaking of ugliness.
Now, I don’t mean inner ugliness, a blight on the soul that that be easily overlooked in times of great co-dependency. No, the kind of ugliness to which I refer is of a physical nature. It’s the kind of ugliness that arouses in the viewer a sort of awestruck horror, comparable to witnessing a car accident, or two elephants mating. I’m sure you know of what I speak. You, possibly, are afflicted with such great hideousness. If this is the case, and if you can read these words through your paper bag, know there is now hope. For there is now MOLE-X!
*USA! USA! USA!
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Despite the grotesque goodness of this ad, I still think the mole is cute.
The mole IS cute.
And this line”…or two elephants mating. I’m sure you know of what I speak” makes me wish for more Zack Rock writing.
There was an article in the Vancouver Sun a week or two ago about ‘uglyism’. In focus was a fellow, who due to a condition that had distorted much of his face, had undergone several cosmetic operations in an effort to appear ‘normal’/typical.
It’s harder to get a job, meet partners when you are ‘ugly’.
Article link:
http://www.canada.com/vancouversun/news/story.html?id=612bf2ce-09aa-4aaf-8d04-b955792c2a96
I used a cheap Mexican Mole-X knock-off… Guacamole-X. Trust me, go with the best, the original, Mole-X. Those of you who know me know what I’m talking about.
Amber: I still think you’re wrong.
Veronica: You’re as wrong as Amber, possibly more so. Also, I write a bunch on this blog! YOU PEOPLE DEMAND TOO MUCH OF ME!
Nathan: Interesting link, thanks. I’m sure this goes without saying, but the whole MOLE-X thing is tongue-in-cheek. I myself am ugly, and understand well the difficulty in finding a job or meeting a partner given my condition. Heck, you’d have to be legally blind and find disgusting animals cute to be attracted to the cadaverous visage of yours truly.
Dan: Also, watch out for Guacamole-X brand mud baths unless you want to end up stuck inside the wall of some Mexican house.
Ha. Yeah I kind of regretted putting the damper on any ugliness humor.
Nathan