I'd like to be serious for a moment, if I may. There is a silent epidemic raging throughout this great land of ours*, a plague that strikes both young and old alike and could, in time, lead to population decrease and widespread nausea. I'm speaking of ugliness.
Now, I don't mean inner ugliness, a blight on the soul that that be easily overlooked in times of great co-dependency. No, the kind of ugliness to which I refer is of a physical nature. It's the kind of ugliness that arouses in the viewer a sort of awestruck horror, comparable to witnessing a car accident, or two elephants mating. I'm sure you know of what I speak. You, possibly, are afflicted with such great hideousness. If this is the case, and if you can read these words through your paper bag, know there is now hope. For there is now MOLE-X!