You know, I been hearing a lot of naysayers and glass-half-emptiers shouting something about the world accelerating toward its ultimate destruction. And it's not that I disagree with their predictions, no the science is pretty clear the world is hosed. It's just I don't know why that's such a bad thing! See, they can cry and whine about the end of the world as we know it, but if they'd put a little positivity in their perspective they'd recognize that one man's apocalypse is another man's gateway to exciting new markets! So, I've decided to get a head start on things:
By the way, the Goldie the Mermaid position is open, so feel free to send your qualifications, including measurements and how long you can hold your breath, to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks!